How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Randomize
