How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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