He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
