we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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