Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
