Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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