The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
