All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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