why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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