i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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