I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
