I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Randomize
