We're facebook friends in real life
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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