Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Randomize
