Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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