Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
