He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
