If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
