I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
