the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
