when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
