i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Randomize
