those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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