ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
