pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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