Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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