let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
