her vagine was all disorganized.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
