have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
