i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
