someone threw a dead crab at me
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
