but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
