I skipped work to stalk him.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
MIDGETS
????
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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