yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
