i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
She bit a glass in half.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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