she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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