She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
