He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
