Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
