why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
