Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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