Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
