My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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