I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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