why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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