I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Damn victory sex feels great
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
