i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
