so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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