just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
