The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
